


Regret

by lovelyfanfiction



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, Oh god, hammy dont kill urself, james madison is not saddison, jefferson why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-20 17:26:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10667367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyfanfiction/pseuds/lovelyfanfiction
Summary: Thomas and Alexander get in a huge fight and things get out of hand.





	1. Words will always hurt me.

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND SELF-NEGATIVITY.  
> wOW so I'm having writers block with the other fan fic and this idea popped in my head so here you go!

"God damnnit, Hamilton! Why do you complain so much? I give so much to you, yet everyday after entering through that door you start complaining!" Jefferson screamed at Hamilton, who was sitting teary-eyed on the couch. His vision had seemed to go red when Hamilton started complaining about work just to get on his nerves. Anger had coursed through his veins. It was true that he gave so much to Hamilton. He gave him shelter, food, money, clothing, and a luxorious life. How could Hamilton be such a loud-mouth about everything?

  
Hamilton stayed silent for once. Calm seemed to course through him. Maybe this argument would end with an apology and some cuddles on the couch watching Netflix. Then Hamilton muttered something.

  
"Not my fault work is so annoying, including everyone there." Hamilton muttered.

  
Jefferson exploded once again, as if an anger bomb was placed inside his mouth. "Oh my God, just shut up for one fucking second! Maybe people wouldn't be so annoying if you didn't complain and talk so much! I don't know how I ever once loved you. I'd be better off without you in my household."

  
Hamilton suddenly started to sob, and Jefferson's anger was soon replaced with guilt. Then Hamilton said something even worse.

  
"You're right," Hamilton sobbed. Jefferson felt his heart snap. "You would be better off without me. Every where I go, people become angry and sad. I'm the reason my dad left, my mom died, and my cousin commited suicide. I'm a burden. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't love me. I hate me too. I have to leave!" He sobbed, standing up arubtly, heading towards the door. Jefferson just stood still in shock, and watched Hamilton sprint out of the room sobbing without a goodbye. Reality seemed to settle in after a long period of time after someone shook his shoulder. He hadn't realized Madison had walked in.

  
"I heard what happened. Could hear the sobbing and screaming from down the hall. He'll come back. He just needs some time to cool down and let the fact that you do love him settle in." Madison whispered, rubbing a cool hand over his shaking shoulder. Jefferson just stayed silent. How could he not? He stayed silent as Madison led him to the couch, while guilt seemed to wash over him every five seconds. But right when he was settled on the couch, he let out a shriek that seemed to echo throughout the entire apartment room, and began to ~~ugly~~ sob. He curled up and sobbed, and Madison seemed like a blurred image through his eyes as Madison rushed around getting snacks and all for him before he had to leave. By the time he had no tears left to cry, Madison had left him a bowl of doritos and blankets. The saddest part was that Madison had already completely left. He turned on the TV and watched some stupid videos he had taken with Hamilton during a blizzard.

  
-

  
_The cold nsow hit his shoulder once again as Hamilton threw another snowball at him. He laughed, and threw a larger snowball at Hamilton. He watched as Hamilton fell over with a laugh, and motioned for Jefferson to come over dramtically. His heart fluttered as he picked up Hamilton bridal style and kissed his forehead. Hamilton then snuggled into his warm chest, and he felt like his heart would beat out of his chest any second._

  
-

  
Jefferson ended the video, and stood up, walking towards his bed silently. He didn't even change out of his clothes before he popped into the bed, and fell asleep before he could begin to sob once more.

-

  
When Jefferson woke up, there was a letter waiting for him under the door. He got out of bed and picked it up. From Alexander Hamilton. He winced, and opened the letter with caution.

  
_"My beloved Thomas,_   
_May you forgive me for me despicable behavior yesterday. I am a burden and a mistake on this Earth, and I wish to terminate my Earthly career. May you not be frightened by this, and live a better life without me. 'Till we meet again._   
_Yours truly,_   
_Alexander Hamilton."_

  
He let out a sob, and threw on some clothes. He ran out the door, panic rising in his chest.

  
Shit.


	2. Forgiveness, Can You Imagine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to tell you because I'd just spoil it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys seemed to enjoy last chapter, so I decided to continue! Hope you enjoy this!

He ran down the hall towards Hamilton's room, gripping the letter with sweaty hands. He was scared of what he might find in the room. _Would Hamilton be laying on the floor, bleeding to death? Or would he already be dead?_ These were the only thoughts that were racing around his pretty little mind (Daveed is h0t ik). But right before he reached Hamilton's door, Burr texted him.

  
_"Um so not to scare u, but Hammy just came into my apartment and asked if he could borrow my gun. I asked him why and he said 'he had some business to deal with'. I'm scared. Please go check on him."_

  
Thomas' heart practically did a flip as he started to sprint towards towards Hamilton's room. But he was too late. He heard a loud gunshot, then an ear-piercing scream of agony. His heart shattered into a million pieces then sunk to his toes. He then practically kicked down the door (yasss daveed-thomas is strong <3 *cough*), and rushed inside. But he didn't find anything in the living room or bedroom area. Eliza's stuff was lying around, but that was it. But then he DID find something. Something he wished he didn't find. Depression pills. Oh how his heart sank to his stomach. _Why hadn't Hamilton told him? He could've tried to help Hamilton. Why am I standing here while Hamilton bleeds to death?_ He wondered ~~like a weirdo.~~

 

 

-

 

 

He ran to a bathroom, and shrieked at the sight. There was Hamilton, laying in pretty much a pool of blood. His pistol that he had used was still in his hand, laying there. But now he had to find the wound. It was easily found, as blood was literally oozing out of it by the second. Jefferson managed to get a piece of his own clothing and press it against the wound as panic rose in his chest. He pulled out his phone quicky and texted the group chat, which consisted of Burr and Madison.

  
_"SHIT GUYS SHIT. HAMILTON SHOT HIMSELF. SOMEONE NEEDS TO CALL 911. BOTH OF YOU GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE!"_

  
_Madison: "Shit. I'm calling 911. Burr and me are already outside the door. We had heard the gun shot so we came to check on him."_

 

_Burr: "Yeah, I'm about to come into the bathroom."_

  
And he was right. Both Madison and Burr lunged through the door, almost landing on top of him. He then noticed how his clothes were covered in blood. He noticed how Burr and Madison both gasp, and visibly stiffened.

  
"Oh my god!" Burr finally shrieked, collapsing besides Hamilton. Jefferson started to sob, and Madison rubbed a hand on his shoulder. He still held the scrap of clothing against the wound. Jefferson then let out a high-pitched gasp as Hamilton suddenly stirred, and opened his eyes. Hamilton looked up at him deleriously. But he could still see the pain in Hamilton's eyes, and his heart shattered. But he let out another gasp as Hamilton reached up slowly and hugged him. Jefferson pulled him closer, and let him snuggle into his chest.

  
"It hurts," Hamilton whimpered, beginning to sob. He then reached for his pills, but Jefferson pushed them away. He couldn't let Hamilton take those anymore.

  
"I know baby, I know," He whispered. "It's going to be ok, as long as you stay still until-"

  
The paramedics barged in, and instantly walked towards Hamilton.

  
"Mr. Jefferson, please let go of Mr. Hamilton. Are you one of his emergency contacts? If so, you may come into the ambulance with us," The paramedic spoke quickly, pulling Hamilton away gently. Jefferson didn't want to let go. The worry was the only thing he could feel at the moment. He then nodded to let him know he was an emergency contact.   
Hamilton let out a cry of pain as he was placed on to the stretcher and raced towards the ambulance outside. Jefferson raced along, whispering soothing words. He noticed many people staring with concerned and shocked eyes. Jefferson ignored all of them. They finally entered the ambulance, and connected Hamilton to a few IVs. Jefferson stood next to him the whole ride there, watching as Hamilton cried out with pain many more times. His heart sunk lower and lower as Hamilton began to drift out of consciousness.

  
"Just stay with me love. I love you so much," Jefferson whispered, tears pricking at his already red eyes.

  
Hamilton gave a soft smile. "I love you too, love," He muttered before falling out of consciousness.

  
"I'm so sorry," Jefferson whispered, beginning to sob once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I barely went through this so comment if there are any mistakes and I will edit!


	3. We'll Be Ok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yes, we'll be ok," Thomas whispered back, and now they were both smiling.  
> They would be ok, with a little bit of work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go check out Dreamlike Candlelight, I'll be making a schedule for uploading. Sorry for the super short chapter, I just wanted to get it out.

They had finally made it into the hospital, and Alexander had instantly been rushed to the emergency room. Now Thomas sat in the waiting room, waiting to be told about Alex's condition. Well not exactly sitting, more like pacing. The only things he could feel was guilt pooling in his empty stomach. _This is because of me and my dumb mouth... I can't even live with myself anymore..._ were the only things he was thinking. A doctor finally came through the door, holding a grim expression.

  
"Sir, you may come and see Mr. Hamilton. He seems to be in much pain, even with the pain-killers. He was asking for you." the doctor said.

  
Before he knew what he was doing, he was rushing to the room number he was given, and barging through the door. The sight was horrifying, and he hopes he never has to see it again. There was Alexander, who was pale and shivering, and clutching to his chest. He was connected to more IVs than Thomas could seem to count. He cautiously walked towards Alex, and kissed his forehead when he reached him. Alex must've sensed this, because he turned his head weakly. Thomas smiled sadly, and began to run his fingers through Alex's hair.

  
"I love you so much. I'm sorry for being selfish and complaining every day when you are so nice to me," Alex muttered tears rolling down his cheeks.

  
"That doesn't matter anymore. I'll always love you, even when you ramble about work and pull all-nighters," He cooed. His words were true. His heart fluttered every time he saw Alexander, and he wished he could be with Alex for the rest of his life. He patted the tiny box in his pocket.

  
"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep for a bit. Doesn't help that I pulled an all-nighter last night," Alex chuckled, and smiled at Thomas. Thomas' heart fluttered.  
"Alright, my love. Sweet dreams," He kissed his head, and he watched as Alex drifted off into an uneasy sleep. He couldn't help but lean back into his own chair, and eventually fall asleep.

  
****

  
He woke up to a loud clap of thunder, then a cry. He looked at Alexander with a worried expression. When he saw his love getting triggered into a panic attack, he practically leapt out of the seat, and rushed to Alex's bedside. He put a hand on Alex's back.

  
"Alexander, honey, look at me. Just follow my counting, ok? Un deux trois quatre cinq sept huit neuf..." Thomas counted in French, and eventually Alex's breath evened out into a normal pace. "See, the storm won't get you. It's ok," Thomas whispered. Alexander smiled.

  
"We'll be ok," Alexander whispered.

  
"Yes, we'll be ok," Thomas whispered back, and now they were both smiling.

  
They would be ok, with a little work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave kudos and comments, I live off of it.  
> Critisism is always welcome. Just don't say "This chapter is super shitty"  
> You can say things like "Fuck you"  
> Fuck you is the highest compliment I can get.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave Kudos and comments. I barely went through and fixed anything lmao sorry. And I tried my best to do the POV better.


End file.
